Injong Means Race

I think I feel overwhelmed about writing so much sensitive topics in a foreign language. I used to write essays, and wanted to become a poet at one point in my life. Yet, this inspiration is difficult to maintain when writing in English. I think I am homesick again. I have been independent since I was 16. I went to a high school where such independence was required, and then went to a college in a different city. Although I am familiar with this feeling, I do not remember feeling homesick more than once throughout those high school years. In the past, I was always resilient enough to overcome the inevitable feeling of homesickness. I knew that it would soon pass. However, I realized that as the distance from my original support system increased, my sickness became more intense. The old saying "Out of sight, out of mind" no longer makes sense to me. My experience corrects it, "Out of sight, tears in mind." Though, I never cry out loud due to homesickness.

I discovered that "overseas" homesickness tends to reoccur. Sometimes I feel extremely lonely and isolated from people in the foreign county; and other times, I feel fine. This cycle happens regularly and the homesickness would come “on” every once in a while. The status of "on" can last longer than the "off," depending on what is contributing to the feelings. On the other hand, I feel "off" and less/no longer homesick when I become aware of the cycle, and get supports from others. I wonder if knowing that I cannot visit home whenever I want to creates a claustrophobic feeling, heightening my sensitivity. However, as I develop a positive connection to my new location, the homesickness lessens. By monitoring this cycle I can recognize the times when my stress has pushed me to be more sensitive to racial considerations.

I have been pondering my identity as an East-Asian girl in America. I often come across multicultural studies that address the relationships of black people and white people, but not yellow people, or people of color. At the same time, the stereotypes about Asian females being cute, little, naive, smiling, laughing a lot, and always positive have been projected onto me during my educational career. While these traits may sound positive, any stereotype can work against you. Sometimes I don't feel that I am being heard or taken seriously because of these stereotypical images that most people have about Asian females. It frustrates me because I feel no value as an individual in the group.
To be treated this way strikes me as prejudice, yet the issue still seems strange to me. I think that there is a difference between the behaviors that are valued in my culture and my own personality. I was raised in Korea to be polite to others by listening more than advocating for oneself. I wonder if my struggles to communicate in the United States and my feeling of being neglected in class are connected to the stereotypes regarding the personality of Asians. It is especially frustrating to reflect on this situation when I realize that I have entered a helping profession. My classmates and I are learning how to help others express themselves, yet I often feel that my identity in the United States is determined for me by others. If I appear to have a positive attitude that is because I value the effort it takes to maintain a positive attitude throughout the ups and downs. Another person may think that I am simple and therefore always cheerful, but that assumption does not recognize my efforts to manage the struggles in my life.

I have reached to the conclusion that the projections placed upon me as naive, never serious, and eternally happy, have been detrimental to my professional identity. Someone once said to me, "You are always happy and nice to everyone.” I know this was meant as a compliment has been experienced by me as an insult. Cultural stereotypes dominated my professional identity somehow. I hope that as professionals, especially in the helping professions, we can avoid using stereotypes when we try to understand other cultures.

The reason I appear to be a happy person is because I try to be, and that is regardless of my cultural background.