Sometimes I find myself crying with growing pains - I feel it in the heart mostly, brain, and it spreads all over my body, reaching to the tip of my fingers. Each part is blinking as if my body were turned into one of those miniature skeletons in the museum. My heart beats 87times per minute. I refused to take a sip or water, and nibbled on a slice of apple which I decided to flush down instead. I hope I am alive.

I think I am awake and will probably live for a long while, alone.

Vitality? I like to gain energy from other people. I would go to this coffee shop in the hood and make friends for knitting or playing Nintendo. My veins are burgeoning dopamine when I interact with people. Perhaps I am one of those called the extravert. I am struggling alone for several months now that I got a new hobby ever since - thinking -or maybe I am wrong, it is not a "new thing." I have written about my thinking habit in the past. My recent thinking is a bit different from that I am used to already. It is more serious and deep, a lot of reflection of my own shame. I would recall those past events that are not so pleasant -something that I need courage to pull out. I start to understand his ideas about our relationship now. How lazy is that? I now admit that I have depended on him heavily. What have I done, really? It is a permanent mess. I wish human had super power to fix things, past and past perfect. Lacking the power, I find myself repeating the list of things to do of which I have used with my clients, instead. Maybe I do need some time alone. I will listen to my heart, my brain and embrace the pains. I want no more of the superficial energy in my body. My eyes are too tired from the traffic lights. How about emotions then, are they substantial?

My nephew left this morning. Shilla is all by herself.

I want to go home.

What if Shilla gets attacked?

I think I'm going to bury Shilla when I get home.

I think Shilla will be fine as long as you are fine.

Can I trust you?

Will you?

I trust Yoona.

I trust you, too, S. It's our deal.

One month since I started my new job.

I have been loving it despite the overload of work that I need my eyes on 24/7 - This is the part that I enjoy indeed.

It is nice to be respected and expected to manage different tasks. For the past four days, I was given a whole case to update Treatment Plan - sort of Mental Health Assessment which takes an intense process via interview, home visit, clinical meetings - for a client. Upon its completion I immediately turned it in to my boss. Man, that was a great relief + energy burnout. I am so done for the week!

When I was going through an extreme emotional state, I risked a terrible argument with the person whom I cared so much - TERRIBLE. It was like a mental breakdown. I learned a lesson: I need to be prepared for the stress that I expect. It turns out, I am the perfect therapist.

I told my friend about what happened, he sent me this link as a remedy. Watch it. It is so true.

Usually, when I present myself as an art therapist, people judge my work in a non-serious, super-chill, hippie kind of job. It is easy to think all we do is to make art, or to help people practice their fine motor skills. True, we help people to use their fingers, but we also consider a lot more things to help them: We develop plans for treatment, case management, lead groups, consult, etc. It's like a job responsible for social work, counseling, and rehab - sometimes through a creative process; other times it's just the clinical process with lots of papers.

Believe it or not, I enjoy it much more in this way. I feel fueled up from collaborating with other professionals for multi-intervention. It's almost similar to producing a movie with a bunch of different people

Awesome friend of mine made music for this turtle.
Good job dancing turtle

I used to have intense obsession for turtle. My seven-year-old sister had bought me two turtles for my birthday with her little allowance.
I called each of them the coolest names: Choi(meaning, dark green) and Yoni(light green)
A couple of months later Choi was killed by Yoni. I was so shocked that I had to throw Choi away in the garbage can when I saw him floating in the water.
I still feel guilty not having buried him in the safe place.
Now I try really hard to convince myself not to have pets anymore.(though my favorite thing on the planet is animals) It's a serious commitment.

My friend Scott is a bit aggressive towards the people with pets. He thinks people spend so much attention &money on their pets as selfish (Scott lived in El Salvador for three years, serious empathy for people with poverty who "needs" money for basic living).
I used to disagree with him, but start to understand how he feels it for the selfish human as pet owners.

Sometimes we forget how nice it is to love in a rather passive way. Oh, and it always works

tortue from Pheasant Plucker on Vimeo.

I would like to share a few of my obsessions

• Watches. Oh I love watches with big frames! Last summer, I found a bag of broken watches at a thrift store. A friend and I sat down and disassembled them. Imagine how those micro pieces work together to make the watch work. Amazing.
• I like looking at bodies, yes. I find plain body images - non-typical feminine/masculine look - very attractive.
• Fireman's masks. and/or ultraman's mask!

2010

WOW. It has been so long since I posted a photo of Chris Kelly's head in Aug, 2009! It is the new year.

I have tried to build myself a website and move on from the blog. However, that did not work; does not seem to happen any soon, either. To be focusing on Now and Then (Carl Rogers), I decided to use my blog to share my art and soul.


I have recently joined an online group for figure drawing, but have not participated yet. I feel a little anxious about online meetings, especially w/a naked human involved. Though.. I have been craving so much for it.

Only a few reasons why I love it so much:
Muscles fascinate me. I can follow along the veins, bones, hair.......... ohh never ends.
I feel that the nature of human's body the most beautiful thing to look at - different shapes, movements, sizes, etc.

So I pulled out some of the drawings from three years ago. I was young and fresh, hard working artist then.

PS.Before you look at each drawing, scroll down to play the youtube then come back up. Then imagine this model dancing to the Gotan Project

phew ?

sometimes you feel like

you are finally there,

but you are there again.