I think I am awake and will probably live for a long while, alone.
Vitality? I like to gain energy from other people. I would go to this coffee shop in the hood and make friends for knitting or playing Nintendo. My veins are burgeoning dopamine when I interact with people. Perhaps I am one of those called the extravert. I am struggling alone for several months now that I got a new hobby ever since - thinking -or maybe I am wrong, it is not a "new thing." I have written about my thinking habit in the past. My recent thinking is a bit different from that I am used to already. It is more serious and deep, a lot of reflection of my own shame. I would recall those past events that are not so pleasant -something that I need courage to pull out. I start to understand his ideas about our relationship now. How lazy is that? I now admit that I have depended on him heavily. What have I done, really? It is a permanent mess. I wish human had super power to fix things, past and past perfect. Lacking the power, I find myself repeating the list of things to do of which I have used with my clients, instead. Maybe I do need some time alone. I will listen to my heart, my brain and embrace the pains. I want no more of the superficial energy in my body. My eyes are too tired from the traffic lights. How about emotions then, are they substantial?